Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Blood and glitter go together right?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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