The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
