ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
