I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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