I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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