foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
