how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
