yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
