she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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