He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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