So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
