I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
