I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
