the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
