If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
