i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
