I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
