I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
