dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
