doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
