guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it was like eating out sand paper
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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