I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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