I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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