My balls are so social today.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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