Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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