i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
