doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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