Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
