Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
