YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
