So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
