Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
