we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
