Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
