It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
