don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
