At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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