Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Randomize
