just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
