I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
