apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize