First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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