i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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