We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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