I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
