This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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