so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I smell like Dick and happiness
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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