summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
