she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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