A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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