dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
