So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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