Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
