Got a toothbrush?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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