You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
