I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
