You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
